What is romance?

Basically what is seen as romantic is something that strays from the ordinary, something that is spontaneous and creative, yet what one person sees as romantic may be seen as ridiculous by another. Romance really is a matter of personal taste, and the more geared to the object of your affection the gesture is, the more likely you will hit the right side of the line. There are no hard and fast rules for getting it right, however considering the following will at least steer you in the right direction:

• Consider how long you have been together if it is the early throes of a relationship a big gesture may scare the hell out of them, and it is far easier to go wrong when you don't know your lover that well. Go for something fun or something simple. A pound shop gift, a picnic or a date go-carting.
• When thinking of gifts try and cater to your partner as an individual rather than jumping on the bandwagon of what is supposedly romantic. Traditional red roses are boring, be a little more creative, find out what they like, a single stem of their favourite flower is much more likely to win them over. Homemade things are also bound to be higher on the romance scale than shop bought. Put a little thought in.
• The same goes for dates and weekends away - plan surprises you know they will love, think of more creative things to do than the usual dinner and a movie.

Just to help you out a little more here is our cheese scale for all things romantic:

Mild cheddar

• Red roses: traditional yet dull. Some people don't even like roses. Pick flowers that suit them rather than going for run of the mill, it shows more thought.
• Filling car with balloons: sweet, although it may just embarrass the hell out of them, and isn't much good if they ride a bike.
• Making photo album charting your relationship: OK if filled monthly rather than minute-by-minute.
• Writing I love you on the bathroom mirror.
• Making a card for no reason at all.

Camembert

• Serenading: romantic if drunk, cheesy if sober.
• Dedicating a song to them on the radio/ VH1 /MTV (although if it's Bryan Adams or Puppy Love then this hits the pure cheese factor).

Stinking Gorgonzola

• Teddy bears with 'I love you' hearts: think about the recipient, can you really imagine them liking this? If they do, do you really want to be with them?
• Love letters, scented with lipstick kisses - no, no, no, no, no.
• Poems: If you must attempt to be the next Laureate, keep them short and sweet as pages and pages may just end up in the bin.
• Chat up lines - not big, not clever, and not romantic.
• Underwear: I think you're confusing lust with love.

Self confidence

Most of the time, we avoid making the first move because a nasty little negative thought pops into our mind at exactly the wrong moment. Here are some of the most common:

• They will never fancy me
  Attractiveness is very much in the eye of the beholder. If you never approach that person you fancy, how are they going to get the chance to decide? So long as you are clean and wearing stuff that you're comfortable with, what's the problem? There's a lot more going on here than physical appearances, and a good personality shines through. So what if you're brunette and they only like blondes? It just means that person is shallow, not that you're unattractive.
• They might say no, or have a boyfriend/girlfriend already!
  True, you might not be their ideal partner, and they have a right to say no. But they could also say yes, and surely that's worth taking the risk? Rejection is part of the dating scene, and it isn't the end of the world - you just move on and meet someone else. As for them already having a partner, there's no way you can tell in advance, so ask anyway.
• I might make a fool of myself!
  You'll have more luck if you're pleasant and friendly, rather than flash or cheesy. Even if you end up feeling embarrassed, chances are that nobody else will even notice. If they say 'no thanks' nicely, then deal with it graciously and don't start insulting them, it'll only make you look immature and insecure. If the other person deliberately tries to embarrass you, they've actually done you a favour by letting you know that they have an attitude problem.

What is sexual orientation?

Sexual orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to another person. It is easily distinguished from other components of sexuality including biological sex, gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female) and the social gender role (adherence to cultural norms for feminine and masculine behaviour).

Sexual orientation exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive homosexuality to exclusive heterosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality. Bisexual persons can experience physical, sexual and emotional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex. Persons with a homosexual orientation are sometimes referred to as gay (both men and women) or as lesbian (women only).

Sexual orientation is different from sexual behaviour because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Persons may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviours.

What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation?

It is generally agreed that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, sexual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person's sexuality. It is important to recognise that there are probably many reasons for a person's sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people.

Do I have a choice over my sexual orientation?

No, human beings can not choose to be either gay or straight. Sexual orientation emerges for most people in early adolescence without any prior sexual experience. Although we can choose whether to act on our feelings, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.

How do I know if I'm gay?

Many people will be attracted to someone of the same gender at some time in their lives. Some people might act on this; some people don't even admit it.